Notes for the study on Mary of Bethany (inspired by Carolyn Custis James’ insights from her awesome book, “When Life and Beliefs Collide”) follow:
Today we’re going to study a woman, named Mary of Bethany, who always seemed to be getting in trouble with other people. There are three very interesting stories about her in the New Testament and in two out of 3 of them she’s making people mad, even though she isn’t doing anything wrong. In the first one it’s her older sister who’s mad at her, accusing her of shirking kitchen duty. In the third story Jesus’ disciples are criticizing her for wasting money. But both times Jesus defends and praises her.
But clearly there was something about her that most people misunderstood. Basically, that was her priorities! The choices she made drove them crazy. It all came down to one main thing: Mary was determined to love God, not only with all her heart and soul and strength, but also with all her mind as God had commanded her to do! That was a shocking concept for the women of that day. But Mary refused to stop doing that just to get in line with other people’s expectations of her. People do have some strange expectations of women. Many little girls grow up thinking that women are basically just bodies…bodies to do work, to have sex and to make and feed babies. And praise God that we can do work, have sex and make babies to the glory of God. But God has also given each one of us a mind with which to love Him, a mind so that we can more wisely use our strength for His glory.
Unfortunately many women believe thinking is unfeminine. Mary was not like that. To Mary, being a fulfilled woman did not mean only stuffing the neatest sarmale or frying the crispiest snitzel, although those are wonderful skills. Being a woman for Mary didn’t mean just caring about cleaning, laundry and cooking, but being bored when the men discussed God’s ways. To Mary, there was nothing in life more important than knowing the Lord. Mary wanted to be taught. She wanted to think deeply about God. She wanted to use all she was to understand His character and His purposes, so that she could love, trust and obey Him more fully.
Is that your desire too? Yes, you are a woman, with a special role that we’ll examine in tomorrow’s study, but knowing God is the highest calling of every woman. It’s the most precious treasure offered you. It’s your most urgent need. And it is more relevant to your life than anything else you can learn or do.
Obviously, there are a lot of useful things you can learn or do. A lot of loving things. And some of those things will compete with opportunities you have to know God better. Some of those things are not optional. When your baby is crying in hunger, it is not optional for you to get up and feed him. But some of your duties or desires can be set aside temporarily! And that’s when you need to make the hard choices like Mary did between pleasing people and pleasing God.
One reason why knowing God cannot wait is because life is full of unexpected storms. Suffering that comes suddenly. And when those hard times hit, all the other things you chose to spend time doing won’t mean a lot if you don’t know your God.
Psalm 9:9-10 say: “The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. And those who know Your name put their trust in You, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.”
But what does it mean to know His name? In the Bible, knowing someone’s “name” meant knowing his character. So it is to know, for example, that God is Holy, that He hates evil, that He is full of mercy and compassion for His people, that He always keeps His promises. And that He is completely in control of the universe! And not just to know the words, but be convinced in your heart! So what the verse tells us, is that if you really know your God, you WILL be able to trust Him even in the very darkest moments of your life.
And our husbands should value this quality in us, way more than any domestic skill we might have. It is the biggest blessing we could give our families. Because life is war. As Carolyn Custis James says,
“Far from diminishing her appeal, a woman’s interest in [knowing God] ought to be the first thing to catch a man’s eye. A wife’s [knowledge of God] should be what a husband prizes most about her. He may always enjoy her cooking and cherish her gentle ways, but in the intensity of battle, when adversity flattens him or he faces an insurmountable challenge, she is the soldier nearest him, and it is her [view of God] that he will hear. A woman’s [understanding of God] suddenly matters when a man is facing a crisis and she is the only one around to offer encouragement.”[1]
Do you agree? If a man doesn’t want to hear “curse God and die” from his wife when trouble comes, like Job heard from his wife, he better make sure he marries a girl who has taken time to get to know her God.
I think that most Christian ladies would agree with Mary in theory that knowing God is the most important thing in their life. Unfortunately their actions show something else. By their choices of what they do with their time it is plain that things like more sleep, their reputation for the cleanest house, a chance to make more money, or the desire to please other people, like their husbands, children or mothers- in-laws are simply more important to them than growing in their knowledge of God. They seem to be satisfied to have a kindergarten level of knowing God. And this might be ok if life were like kindergarten. But it isn’t.
Mary had the wisdom to know it isn’t. So she wasn’t satisfied with a toddler’s relationship with God. She not only knew that knowing Jesus was her most pressing need, she did something about it. She pursued knowing Him with all the passion she had within her. Her reward was a faith that enabled her to cling to Him when she didn’t understand what He was doing, along with a power and freedom to serve Christ with a sacrificial and risk-taking love. Don’t you want that kind of faith? Then let’s see how Mary’s faith grew.
We’ll look at 3 portraits of Mary. First we’ll study the eager Mary, hungrily listening at Jesus’ feet. Then we’ll see the bewildered Mary, throwing herself at Jesus feet even when she doesn’t understand. And finally we’ll see the mature Mary, pouring perfume on Jesus’ feet.
I. Martha’s Dinner Party
We’ll call portrait number one “Martha’s dinner party.” This is where you see the eager Mary, hungrily listening to Jesus. Turn to Luke 10:38. This scene takes place in the fall, about six months before Jesus will die on the cross. v. 38 says,
“Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house.”
So this scene takes place in Martha’s house. Martha is Mary’s big sister, and she loves to invite people over. Jesus and his disciples have been traveling. They have just come into town and Martha has invited them to dinner. She rushes home from the piata and happily tells Mary, “Guess who’s coming to dinner?”
In Martha’s kitchen pots begin bubbling, steam rising and there is a mountain of vegetables to chop. Martha can’t wait to serve Jesus all her best recipes and she expects Mary’s help. But Mary pursues a different goal. We see this in v. 39:
“And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching.”
Carolyn James says, “Somewhere in the flurry of activity an unexpected change occurs that momentarily escapes Martha’s notice. Her dependable assistant quietly retreats from the hubbub of the kitchen and exchanges her apron for the opportunity to hear and learn from Jesus.” [2]
See, to Mary there is something more important than working for Jesus, as good as that is. To Mary Jesus is more than an honored dinner guest. He is the Teacher who has words of life that she is starving to hear. Yes, she is willing to cook for him, up to a certain point. But when she notices the disciples beginning to gather around him as He begins to teach, there is nothing that can to stop her from being where she can hear every precious word. Do you think the journey from the kitchen to the living room where all the men were gathered around Jesus was an easy one to make for Mary? This wasn’t a large public gathering where Jesus spoke. Aside from her brother Lazarus, this was a select group of men Jesus was speaking to. Leaders! Can you see all their eyes following her as she steps over Judas and around big, gruff Peter to find a place right at Jesus feet? That took discipline! Carolyn James says
“It was no small feat to get out of the kitchen and into the place of a disciple. All sorts of pressures and customs stood in her way… [But Mary’s] need to know Jesus overcame the knot in her stomach and the paralyzing fear of what others might think or say. She could no longer be satisfied with bits and pieces she overheard as she moved about her duties or with secondhand information pried from her brother and others who knew Him personally. She must know Jesus firsthand.”[3]
But we need to ask, “What was it that Mary saw in Jesus that made her so hungry to know Him more?” Well, let’s just consider some things she had heard at the most recent feast, the Feast of Tabernacles, which had just taken place in Jerusalem, a short walk from Mary’s home. That’s where, at the most critical moment, Jesus had stood up and shouted out:
“If anyone thirsts, let him come to Me and drink. Whoever believes in Me as the Scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.’”
Can you imagine Mary’s thoughts at hearing that? Did He say “If anyone is thirsty?” “Whoever believes?” Could that living water flow out of her, a woman? Did He say that He was the source? But before she could even digest that thought, Jesus had given her even more to think about. He declared,
(Jn 8:12): “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows Me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”
I’m sure Mary well knew both the darkness of the world and of her own heart. Who wouldn’t want what Jesus was offering? And again she heard the invitation, “Whoever follows me…” Whoever! And there were even more extraordinary claims. He had said,
(Jn 8: 19) “If you knew Me, you would know my Father also.”
Many people had reacted in rage when Jesus had said that. They thought it was blasphemy and wanted to kill Him! They didn’t even seem to see the treasure He was offering them. But God opened Mary’s heart to understand and hunger to know Him. And when Jesus warned:
“Unless you believe that I am He, you will die in your sins.”
she saw clearly that faith in Jesus was the key to life and forgiveness. But was her faith strong enough? But then an amazing statement had followed:
“If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
Can you imagine how those words would have echoed in her mind? “If you continue in my teaching, then you really are my disciples!”? Notice that with all these invitations Jesus hadn’t said “Men only!” His invitation had gone out to all. Mary could abide in His words. Mary could be his disciple. Mary could be made free! She didn’t have to die in her sins. There were thousands of people in the crowd that day, but Mary knew Jesus was speaking directly to her. So when Jesus and his disciples arrived at her home for that dinner, do you think there was anyone on earth she more wanted to be near? He had said, “Abide in my Word” and now here He was teaching right in her living room! No, I don’t think staying in the kitchen was an option for Mary!
But, back to our story, while Mary is soaking in Jesus’ words, Martha is starting to sweat in the kitchen. This is not a simple meal she’s preparing. Martha has high standards. Dishes are everywhere. But what started out as loving hospitality is now a nightmare. Martha is tense and frazzled, worried the food will not be served on time or taste the way it should. She can’t understand her sister leaving her to finish cooking all alone. How could Mary be so selfish? The resentment boiling in her heart, soon comes out her mouth. Look at v. 40
“But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone?”
Martha anger has so blinded her, she’s actually rebuking Jesus! But look at Jesus’ tender response to her.
“Martha, Martha, you are anxious and trouble about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”
For sure, Martha expected Jesus to take her side. After all, she was trying to do a good work for Him. But He gently lets her know that SHE is the one who has chosen wrong, not Mary. He will not send Mary back to the kitchen, in spite of the fact that it is His dinner that’s at stake. Instead, He hints that Martha should sit down and listen too. Only one thing is necessary: knowing Him better. Those opportunities are limited. Dinner can wait.
One thing is necessary! I think that would be a great sign to hang on our walls, don’t you? So we can see it every day when we get distracted like Martha with “much serving!”
Okay, one more thing before we go on. This dinner party took place just six months before Jesus was betrayed and crucified. No one in that room except Jesus knew how few the times would be after that where he would sit down with them to teach them personally. And then He would be gone. Today, we do not have Jesus present with us physically to sit at His feet and learn. But we do have Bibles and the Holy Spirit to help us. We can sit at Jesus feet by coming with pleasure to His Word privately and opening our hearts for Him to teach us. And also, don’t forget that Jesus has given an additional gift to you: pastors and teachers whom He has gifted to explain His Word and make Him known. Don’t take them for granted. They may not always be there. Don’t take Bible conferences for granted or Bible studies that are provided for you. Don’t think, oh I can always go next time. There may not be a next time. Treasure every opportunity you have to grow in your knowledge of God. Because you don’t know what life will bring. And that will be evident in the very next portrait of Mary, which we’ll call “the funeral.”
II. The Funeral
Okay, before the break we saw a portrait of Mary that showed her eagerness to set everything else aside so that she could know Jesus better. But now let’s turn to John chapter 11. Here we see a different Mary. Here she is grief-stricken and bewildered. She is shaken to the core and helpless to do anything except fall at Jesus feet. We don’t have time to read all the verses that set the scene for the story, so I will just describe what has happened up to the point where Mary enters the scene. It is now December. Mary has had 3 more months to grow in her knowledge of the Lord since the dinner party, and that’s good, because her faith will now be tested and deepened.
We are back at Martha and Mary’s house, but things aren’t the same… great worry and tension has invaded their home. Their beloved brother Lazarus is very sick and is getting sicker all the time. I don’t know what all the Jewish old wives remedies were, but I’m sure the sisters have tried them all and nothing is working. They fear for his life.
Then they think, “If only Jesus were here!” They know His healing power. They know His selfless service. They know He loves their family in a special way, especially Lazarus. So they urgently send a messenger to find Jesus and explain the family’s great need. I’m sure the wait was excruciating for them.
Can’t you picture Mary repeatedly springing up from Lazarus’ sweat-drenched bedside to go to the doorway, to strain her eyes to search for any sign of Jesus on the road? Can’t you imagine her calculating and then recalculating in her mind the distance and the earliest moment she could possibly expect him to arrive? But John 11: 5-6 tells us that when Jesus receives the message, he does something inexplicable. It says:
“Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So, when he heard that Lazarus was ill, he stayed two days longer in the place where he was.”
Huh? John tells us that Jesus loved them, SO when he heard that Lazarus was sick, He delayed another two days. Our natural reaction is, “That’s love?” But we find out later that by delaying, Jesus was actually expressing very deep love. The delay was both for God’s glory and their good. See Jesus knew they had to learn they could trust him even in the face of death. It was to prepare them for the fast-approaching day when they would see Him crucified and death would seem to have defeated Him. The only way he could prepare them for that was by demonstrating to them in an unforgettable way, that He was Lord of all, even over death. And He would do that by letting Lazarus die and then raising him from the dead.
But his decision didn’t feel like love to Mary at the time. Carolyn Custis James says,
“Never in her wildest thoughts did she or anyone else imagine that Jesus simply would not respond. When she put together everything she knew about Jesus, it didn’t add up to this. Perhaps she made excuses for him at first, but the longer Jesus took to reach Bethany, the harder it was to avoid the awful truth that the problem wasn’t with the message, the messenger or the distance. The problem was with Jesus.”[4]
When Lazarus died, Mary was devastated. She wondered, “How can such suffering even exist and life still go on?” Not only was there this huge hole in her life where Lazarus had been, but she was torn by conflicting thoughts about Jesus. Where was He? Why didn’t He come? How could He not care?
Have you ever asked those things about the Lord? Over and over all Mary and Martha could think was, “If only Jesus had come, If only Jesus had come…!” Finally Jesus does come. But by now Lazarus has been in the tomb for 4 days. Everyone is in deep mourning. Word reaches the sisters that Jesus is near the village and Martha rushes out to meet Him. But the same Mary who had previously fought her way to Jesus feet now seems paralyzed by her emotions.
How can she bear to face the friend she had so counted on, who had let her brother die? She wonders, “Had she only imagined His love?”Even more, how can she face the Lord she loves, torn with these conflicting emotions? She’s ashamed.
Then in v. 28 Martha comes back with precious words that thaw Mary’s frozen heart. She says, “The teacher has come and is calling for you.” He’s calling for her. He hasn’t forgotten Mary. Now all she has learned from Jesus comes rushing back. And it hits her! Jesus is here, who is her light in darkness, who is her living water, who is her savior from sin. She’s still just as confused as ever about why Lazarus died, but she’s not confused about where she needs to be. Suddenly, her only desire is to get to Jesus. Springing up she runs to him and then falls at His feet. Let’s read v. 32
“Now when Mary came to where Jesus was and saw Him, she fell at His feet, saying to Him, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”
Mary doesn’t try to hide her confusion. The thought that Jesus hadn’t come still torments her. But she confesses it to Him. And look at her posture. She’s not shaking her fist. Again, she has taken the place of the disciple, waiting at his feet in absolute submission, dependence, and loyalty. She doesn’t understand yet, but she will cling to Him and learn of him, even in the greatest crisis of her life.
There’s much we could say here, but we need to move on to the final portrait.
III. The Gathering Storm
Turn over one chapter to John 12 and let’s read vs. 1-2.
“Six days before the Passover, Jesus therefore came to Bethany, where Lazarus was, whom Jesus had raised from the dead. So they gave a dinner for Him there. Martha served, and Lazarus was one of those reclining with him at the table.”
So here we are back at Bethany for yet another dinner. Some things never change! The room is again full of men, Martha is back in the kitchen and Mary is about to get in trouble again. But in spite of the joy of having Lazarus there, alive from the dead, the atmosphere has become darker. Storm clouds are gathering against Jesus and everyone knows it. The very miracle that brought Lazarus out of the tomb had been the last straw for the religious rulers. They can’t stand seeing any more people coming to faith in Jesus and have determined to put him to death. In fact while this supper is going on, they are looking for a way to arrest him.
So Jesus is at a dinner party in his honor, but He is not lighthearted. His face is set toward the cross and His heart and mind are full of what He is about to suffer. Meanwhile, all the men around him, all his disciples are completely oblivious, unable to be any comfort to Him, unable to even understand what he’s talking about. In fact, every time in the previous few days that Jesus had tried to prepare them for His death, they only kept bickering among themselves about who would be the greatest in Jesus’ government. They just don’t seem to get it. And as for Judas, well we know he has his own plans.
Carolyn Custis James summed up the situation: “Probably no place on earth is as lonely this night as Jesus’ place at the table.”[5]
But one person does understand. We’ll read verses 3
“Mary therefore took a pound of expensive ointment made from pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped His feet with her hair. The house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume.”
Mary’s act was the fruit of the time she had taken to really know Jesus. Mary, of all the people present in the room has really listened to Jesus and learned. She alone has believed His words about His coming death, burial and resurrection. She alone understands that He is to be God’s precious sacrifice, the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world, but who will rise again.
I imagine, looking down at the alabaster jar in her hands, filled with the costly burial perfume, she sees a symbol for the beauty and necessity of what He is about to do. It’s like the way you have to break the alabaster jar to let the perfume pour out. So Jesus’ body must be broken for His forgiveness and life to pour out upon all who will believe in Him.
So, in spite of the risk of being attacked and condemned by the men in the room who don’t understand what she’s doing, she goes to her place at Jesus’ feet, deliberately breaks her jar and pours out her perfume on Jesus.
As the perfume fills the room all conversation ceases. The men are horrified and let her know it. Only Jesus understands. And he tells them, “wherever this gospel is preached throughout the whole world what she has done will also be told in memory of her.” (Mt. 26:13)
IV. Application
What an awesome example Mary was of what it means to be a woman in Christ! She was a woman who loved the Lord with all her mind, and because of that gained a stronger faith, a greater sensitivity to God’s purposes and also a courage to love in costly ways.
Wouldn’t you like to be a little bit more like her? Isn’t this God’s will for you? Then let’s take the last few moments we have together and let’s get practical. How can we fight to love God with our minds?
First, Go to God and confess as sin your failure to love Him with all your mind. Rejoice that Jesus already took your punishment for that sin on the cross. Thank Him for His forgiveness and grace and ask Him to give you a new hunger to know Him through His Word.
Second, realize Satan does not want us to succeed in this pursuit. Prepare to fight a battle. The world around us will tempt us, and we are sinners that must daily fight the sinful desires in our own hearts. As Pastor John Piper confessed,
“A thousand interesting things compete for our attention to the Word of God. I confess that after fifty years of loving and reading and memorizing Scripture, I can be lured away from appointed times in the Word by something as insignificant as a new computer device.”[6]
But he also said,
“When Jesus said, “The truth will set you free” (Jn. 8:32), He didn’t mean without a battle…Christianity is war. It is a declaration of all-out combat against our own sinful impulses.”[7]
Computer technology is probably not your particular temptation. But we all need to be disciplined! Still, be careful. There are two kinds of discipline. One kind looks to self for power and is driven by pride. But the other kind looks to Jesus for power, and is driven by desire. That’s what Mary had. That kind of discipline enables us to fight to get to Jesus not to show how strong we are, but because He is beautiful and glorious and we know only He can satisfy our heart. That kind of discipline comes from the knowledge that we are still huge sinners desperately in need of His grace who need to take radical measures to be in the places where that grace is poured out. That kind of discipline is driven by being so in love with Jesus that you crave all the spiritual food you can possibly digest, in order to serve Him better. If you have that kind of discipline, nothing will stand in your way, not a roomful of frowning men, not a sister that has other plans for your time, not the customs of the day.
But you might be thinking Mary didn’t have a husband or children. She probably had a lot more time than I do. So let’s talk about that. How can you pursue time with God in a house full of noisy kids? Is it impossible?
Well, obviously, it is good to find a time and place where you won’t be interrupted…where you can talk to the Lord out loud or sing or cry as you have need. That’s why Jesus often looked for a lonely place outside to spend time with His Father. But have you talked to God about this problem? Have you told him your desire to know Him more? Have you asked Him to show you a plan to be alone with Him? If you do, He will. His plan might mean waking up extra early in the morning, before your kids wake up. It might mean using their nap times, even if you can think of a thousand other things to do with that time. But it also might accepting less than the perfect situation and trusting God to use it.
For example, one mother of 19 children had a pretty full house. But she was so hungry for God that she wouldn’t let that fact stop her from coming to sit at Christ’s feet. What she used to do when she needed time with God is to sit down at the kitchen table and pull her apron up over her head to shut everything else out! When her kids saw her like that, they knew that mom was spending time with God and they better not disturb her! And it remained a memory they never forgot about how important seeking God was to their mom. Maybe Cheryl could teach you moms how to make some extra big aprons! What do you think? The point is Susanna didn’t let anything get in the way of her time with God. You can be the same way.
If you don’t have time alone, read your Bible anyway. You could even read it out loud to the children. Pray as you wash dishes and sweep the floors and walk to the piata. Pray for your husband as you wash his clothes. Write down scriptures and tape them in the kitchen so you can think about what they mean as you cook. Memorize the promises of God to think about when you nurse the baby or you wake up at night. Live your life in fellowship with God and you will be changed.
Well, we could spend a lot more time discussing the how’s of spending time with God. But our time is up. So let’s close in prayer and ask God to continue to work in our hearts both the desire and the power to sit at Jesus’ feet and love Him, not only with our hearts, but also with all our minds.
[1] Carolyn Custis James, When Life and Beliefs Collide, Zondervan 2001, p. 51
[2] ibid, p. 33
[3] Ibid, p. 36-37
[4] Ibid, p.106
[5] Ibid, p. 160
[6] John Piper, When I Don’t Desire God, Crossway 2004, p. 96
[7] Ibid, p. 103
Leave a comment